Yes sir, it is that time again. Time for another RAW Review! And with my Sabres sucking up the joint, there is no way RAW can be any worse.
RAW Is Bad Shirts and Homeless People
RAW started with Mick Foley in a bad blue tye-dye shirt coming to the ring. Foley said he was here for two reasons. One, he never passes up a trip to Disneyland, right here in Anaheim. Foley said he's happy to be back in a non-competitive role, because he lived out all of his dreams inside a WWE ring. But he has one more dream. He has two more kids, and he wants those kids to see him in a WWE ring one more time. Foley said he wanted to enter the 2012 Royal Rumble.
Vickie Guerrero interrupted with Dolph Ziggler, in a bright pink shirt. Ziggler asked if he thinks Foley can just show up and take a spot. Ziggler asked how he could take a spot in the Rumble a superstar worked hard for all year. Ziggler said if this was one of Mick's stand up routines it was a good joke, but if this is for real Dolph will act everything out for him. "Oh man I'm in the Roya, oh, there I go over the top rope." Mick said anything can happen during the Royal Rumble. and that he is in the Rumble to win it. Ziggler said he can't think of a bigger let down in Wrestlemania history than if he wins the WWE Title at Wrestlemania and Foley wins the Rumble. Ziggler said he didn't come to make two points, he came to make a fool out of himself one more time and he succeeded. Ziggler said it's over and to go away.
C.M. Punk interrupted. Punk said its good to see Mick. Dolph said of course it is, because him and Punk get their clothes from the same homeless man on the street. Punk said him and Mick have a lot in common. They don't look like every other superstar and they don't hide behind a woman, a poor excuse for a woman. They both also earned everything they've achieved. Punk said that even with the turd in the punch bowl referee, he will still be WWE Champion because he is the best in the world. Punk said it would be cool if he fought Mick Foley at Wrestlemania. Vickie tried talking, but John Laurinaitis came out. Laurinaitis promised to be a fair referee, and he would take Foley's Rumble request under consideration. Laurinaitis said he thought long and hard, but the answer was no. Vickie laughed in Mick's face. That was a good opening segment. Dolph got over big time, and it looks like we might get Dolph/Foley at Mania. That'd be fun. Punk was good and John Laurinaitis was as well. Strong opening segment. Survey Says: 4/5
Kofi Can't Get Pinned on MLK Day
Tag Title match. Epico and Primo won the Titles last night at a RAW House Show. Epico and Primo dominated early, but Bourne hit a hurricarrana on Epico and tagged in Kofi. Kofi hit some offense than the Boom Drop. Primo distracted Kofi, but Kofi tossed him. He hit Trouble in Paradise and tagged in Bourne. Bourne went for Air Bourne, but Epico took out Kofi, then Primo knocked Evan off the rope, then hit the backstabber for the win. Short and nothing too it. Weird. I thought we would get an actual match. But Epico and Primo retain. More dancing Rosa please. Survey Says: 2/5
Backstage, David Otunga handed John Laurinaitis a package. Then Chirs Jericho came in. He's in the main event tonight: Jericho, Bryan, Punk vs Otunga, Henry, Ziggler. Jericho turned off the lights then lit up his jacket. Ha.
Backstage, Zack Ryder said he isn't cleared to compete tonight, but he's going to the ring right now to compete. He isn't forfeiting. Eve said she was going with him. They replayed all of last week's Kane shenanigans.
And Internet Nerds Everywhere Complain
Swagger came out for his match, and Ryder came out after the break. Swagger worked over Ryder's taped ribs. Ryder hit the gut wrench power bomb for two. He hit a second for two. Swagger hit elbows to Ryder's ribs, then hit another gut wrench for three and the win. Well, the Ryder push was fun while it lasted. Survey Says: 1.5/5
Perez Hilton announced a Divas Tag. He stopped twin magic from happening, then Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox won. Yawn.
R-Truth Is A Face? Or A Heel?
R-Truth came out. Before he could say anything, Wade Barrett came out. He said he was going to win the Royal Rumble. R-Truth said Little Jimmy said Barrett talked funny. R-Truth said he went to Disneyland this morning and it put a smile on his face. Truth should "pictures" of him at Disneyland. Pinochio told Truth that Barrett was going to win the Rumble, which caused his nose to grow. Truth said he believes mice can talk, but Barrett was not winning the Rumble. Miz attacked Truth, then Barrett joined in. Sheamus made the save. Teddy Long came out and made an over the top rope challenge. Barrett/Sheamus and Miz/Truth paired off. All three men eventually eliminted Barrett. Sheamus worked over Miz. Miz tried charging at Sheamus but Sheamus connected with some axe handles and then his rope punches. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick and missed, but he tried dumping Miz still. R-Truth eliminated both men to win. Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick on Miz afterwards. Nothing really to see here. Just more Rumble hype. Survey Says: 2/5
Backstage, John Cena complained to John Laurinaitis about the Zack Ryder situation. Laurinaitis made Kane/Cena for the Rumble, and Cena/Swagger next.
I HATE YOU FOR WINNING A MATCH FAIR AND SQUARE!!!
Swagger was already out. Cena came out and just beat down Swagger. He took it outside and threw Swagger into the steps. Cena was ready to drop the steps on Swagger, but Kane interrupted. He congratulated Cena, and said by the time they reach the Royal Rumble, Cena will fully embrace the hate. He set the ringposts ablaze heading into commercial. Sure. Other than Cena complaining about Jack Swagger winning a fair one-on-one match clean. Nice and short. Survey Says: 2/5
Brodus Clay came out for his match against JTG. Brodus did some shaking and gyrations before hitting the same offense as last week on JTG for the win. Still awesome.
Big Show running over A.J. from Smackdown was shown again. Daniel Bryan came out. He called Show a freak, and said running over A.J. was a pathetic was just to get to the World Title. And instead of crying, Show cried like an idiot, and it was all fake. Bryan said Show should never appear on Smackdown again, and if he does, Bryan will make him pay. Bryan said he is dedicating his match with Mark Henry on Smackdown Friday to A.J., and that he appreciates her love. Ha. Jericho came out and played the crowd again. Back from break, the heels were already in the ring then Punk came out.
Don't Piss Off the Funkman
Punk and Ziggler started. Punk took Ziggler to the mat and hit some chops. Punk tagged in Bryan. Bryan went for a leap frog but botched it a bit, running into Ziggler's head. But Ziggler started working over the leg that Bryan ran into Ziggler with, so maybe it wasn't a botch. Ziggler applied a half Texas Clover leaf. Bryan escaped and tagged in Punk. Otunga was tagged in as well. Punk applied a headlock. Punk threw Otunga into the ropes and ducked, so Otunga caught him with a kick and tagged in Ziggler. Ziggler hit a neckbreaker then applied a head lock, which Punk fought out of with a knee. Ziggler tagged in Otunga. Otunga went for a superplex from the top, but Punk fought out with a headbutt. Punk hit the Macho Man elbow and tagged in Jericho. Jericho worked the crowd up, then tagged in Bryan and left as the show went to commercial. HA, that was great.
Back from break, Ziggler had Bryan in a chin/leg lock. Bryan got out, and caught Ziggler with a kick. Bryan tagged in Punk and went to work on Ziggler. High knee and bulldog combo. Punk hit the springboard clothesline. Henry interrupted a pin attempt. Bryan tried to stop Henry, but Henry grabbed him. Henry chased Bryan up the ramp and tossed him up it. Foley came out and said he cleared everything with John Laurinaitis and he is now in the match. Ziggler hit a legdrop and a couple of neckbreakers for two. Ziggler tagged Otunga and Punk tagged Foley. Foley hit the knee in the corner on Otunga, then a DDT. Foley pulled out Mr. Socko and locked in the Mandible Claw for the win.
John Laurniaitis came out and said Mick Foley never cleared anything with him and reversed the referee's decision. Punk grabbed the mic. Punk asked Laurinaitis if he had a problem with him taking things. Punk said it doesn't matter, because Laurinaitis won't do anything about it. Punk told Ace he sucked as a sports entertainer. Ace's brother was one half of the Road Warriors, but he was boring. Punk said Laurinaitis went from someone who sucked to someone who sucked up. Punk said in the last year he accomplished more than Laurinaitis has in his own life. Punk said Laurinaitis is going to screw him at the Royal Rumble because he is jealous. Punk said no matter what happens at the Royal Rumble, he will still be better than Laurinaitis, and people will be talking about Laurinaitis. Because if Laurinaitis screws Punk, it will look like Laurinaitis went through a meat grinder after Pink kicked his ass. Punk faked a punch, and Laurinaitis flinched. Punk left and Laurinaitis grabbed the mic. He re-iterated who he was, which was great. Foley then called him a kiss ass. Laurinaitis said he damn well is going to screw C.M. Punk. And he is sick of getting dis-respected every night after constantly putting on such a great show. Laurinaitis hit Foley with the mic and left. Heated ending with a good match and a great promo exchange afterward. Survey Says: 4/5
OVERALL
I thought this was a slightly above average episode of RAW. The best two parts of the show were the beginning and the end, both involving C.M. Punk and John Laurinaitis. Both men were on their game at the end of the show, with Punk showing signs of the character he was in July, and Laurinaitis showing some emotion out there which adds more to the story with Punk. Punk/Laurinaitis is miles ahead of what Cena/Bischoff was. They are doing a nice job of building to Punk taking out Laurinaitis. Every time you want to see it, and think you will see it, it is pushed back further. I doubt it actually happens at the Rumble. I think it is saved even further. But both men get an A+ for their performances tonight.
Everything else was ok. Cena/Kane was kept very short, and actually made sense this week. Swagger winning the U.S. Title then getting buried looked bad. Daniel Bryan was great on the mic, and the slow heel turn is working. Jericho was good again, as was the FUNKASAURUS. I can't wait for an actual Brodus Clay program. Still not a fan of the R-Truth stuff, but again, it was kept short. I'm giving the show a 7. It kept me entertained for the most part, and Punk and Laurinaitis were so good tonight that it was fun.
And remember kids: When your girlfriend says "I love you," just tell her that you appreciate her love back. Easiest way to get out of a relationship ever.
Until Next Time,
Justin C
Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka
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